When most people hear the word “abuse,” they think of bruises, shouting, or threats. Very few think of scripture, sermons, or prayers. But for countless women, religion itself has been weaponized against them.
Religious and spiritual abuse happens when a man uses faith as a shield and a sword.
It’s when he quotes scripture to demand obedience.
It’s when he says, “God hates divorce,” to keep you trapped.
It’s when he tells you you’re sinning if you say no to sex.
It’s when he frames prayer as punishment – “I’ll pray for your disobedience” – as if the problem isn’t his behavior, but your lack of submission.
This is not about attacking Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, or spirituality itself. Men of all faiths do this. And when they do, it’s abuse.
How It Shows Up
Sometimes it’s overt:
- “The Bible says wives must submit.”
- “If you leave me, you’ll go to hell.”
- “God wants you to forgive me, so you can’t hold this against me.”
Sometimes it’s subtle. He might say, “A good wife keeps her husband happy.” Or, “If you just respected me more, our marriage would be peaceful.” It sounds cultural, even traditional, but it’s patriarchy wearing a religious mask.
And it’s not just the abuser. Many women who turn to pastors, imams, rabbis, or counselors are told, “Marriage is hard, pray harder.” Or, “God hates divorce, maybe you should submit more.” Leaders often think they’re being pastoral. In reality, they’re enabling abuse. In fact, LifeWay Research found that two-thirds of Protestant pastors underestimated how much domestic violence was happening in their congregations. That failure protects abusive men and abandons women who desperately need support.
Beyond Christianity
This isn’t limited to one religion. In Muslim contexts, women are told it’s their duty to obey their husbands in everything. In Jewish communities, men withhold the get – the religious divorce – to trap women indefinitely. In Hindu families, women are told that leaving dishonors their entire lineage. In New Age circles, men say things like, “You’re manifesting this,” or, “Your energy is toxic,” as if abuse is your karma, not their choice. Different words, same weapon.
Watch: Isn’t Having Sex My Right? Why Sexual Coercion is Abuse
What the Texts Actually Say
Abusive men cherry-pick scripture and tradition, but they ignore the rest. Christianity calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church – with sacrifice, not domination. Islam describes marriage as a partnership built on mercy and tranquility. Judaism calls for joy and mutual respect between husband and wife. Hindu teachings emphasize balance, duty, and care. Even New Age spirituality is rooted in healing and connection. None of these traditions legitimize abuse. The problem isn’t faith, it’s men who twist faith for control.
The Impact
Religious abuse doesn’t just attack your body or your freedom. It attacks your soul. It makes you question your worth, your salvation, your entire identity. Many women who leave abusive marriages also leave their churches, mosques, or temples, because the betrayal cut so deep. Some feel spiritually homeless. Others are told they’re rebellious, unfaithful, or damned. That’s not spirituality, that’s manipulation.
Then there’s the communal narcissist – the man who hides behind being the “godly husband,” the pastor, the upstanding religious leader. To outsiders, he’s holy. At home, he’s cruel. Religion gives him the perfect cover. He doesn’t have to prove his goodness; the community does it for him. Which makes it even harder for women to speak out, because the moment they do, they’re painted as the bitter, rebellious wife.
The Truth
Here’s what I need you to know: faith was never meant to be a weapon. If your partner uses scripture, prayer, or community to shame you, control you, or trap you, that’s not faith – it’s abuse. And if your leaders side with him, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it means they’ve chosen comfort over courage.
Not every leader gets it wrong. Some pastors, imams, rabbis, and priests speak truth: abuse is sin, not divorce. Many survivors will tell you their faith was the very thing that gave them the strength to leave. Belief itself isn’t the problem, abusers are.
I’ve heard women say things like, “He told me God would curse me if I left.” “He said denying him sex was against scripture.” “He told me a Proverbs 31 wife would stay quiet.” Those aren’t quirks. They’re manipulations designed to keep you small while he hides behind God.
This blog closes out my series on The 8 Types of Abuse. But I’m not stopping here. There are lesser-known forms – like digital abuse, legal abuse, and reproductive abuse – that deserve attention too. So stay tuned for a bonus.
If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to take back your clarity and rebuild your self-trust, check out my Trauma Bond Recovery Course. My Break & Rebuild Method will walk you step by step through breaking the cycle and learning to trust yourself again.
