When most people think about abuse, they picture physical or verbal attacks. But one of the most powerful and common tools abusive men use isn’t fists or insults – it’s money.
Financial abuse shows up in nearly every abusive relationship, yet it’s often overlooked because it doesn’t look dramatic on the surface.
The reality is if he controls your access to money, he controls your ability to leave. That’s why financial abuse is one of the most effective ways to trap women in toxic and dangerous relationships.
What Is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse is when one partner uses money to dominate, control, or restrict the other. It’s not about financial mistakes, bad budgeting, or two people being on different pages. It’s about power.
It can look like:
- Controlling all bank accounts and refusing to give you access
- Putting everything in his name so you have no financial independence
- Forcing you to account for every dollar you spend
- Running up debts in your name or destroying your credit
- Sabotaging your job or making it impossible for you to work
- Giving you an “allowance” while keeping the rest for himself
- Refusing to pay bills or child support as a form of punishment
The Subtler Signs of Financial Abuse
Sometimes financial abuse doesn’t look like abuse at first. It might sound like “I’ll handle the money, don’t worry about it.” Or “You’re not good with money, I’ll take care of it.” On the surface, it looks like responsibility. Underneath, it’s about control.
Other times it’s disguised as generosity. He insists on paying for everything early on, which seems romantic. But once you’re financially dependent on him, he flips the script: “You’d be nothing without me.”
The Impact of Financial Abuse
Money touches every part of life – where you live, what you eat, how you care for your kids, whether you can get medical help. That’s why financial abuse is so devastating.
Survivors often describe feeling like a child in their own lives – asking for permission to buy groceries, panicking when they need diapers, terrified of what will happen if they leave with nothing. And that’s the point; financial abuse keeps you trapped.
Financial Abuse After Separation
Even after you leave, the financial abuse doesn’t always stop. In fact, it often escalates. Many men refuse to pay child support, pay it inconsistently, or quit their jobs to avoid it altogether. Others drag you into endless legal battles to drain your savings.
In the U.S. alone, over $1.13 billion in child support is owed but unpaid. That’s not an accident. For abusive men, it’s another tool of control.
Watch: From Chaos to Clarity: Mastering Documentation for Family Court
Why Financial Abuse Is Overlooked
So why doesn’t society talk about this more? Because we’re conditioned to think of money problems as “private” or “normal.” Couples argue about finances all the time, right? But this isn’t just another argument, this is intentional sabotage and control.
Too often, the system fails women here. Courts may tell him to pay support but do little when he doesn’t. Employers may ignore harassment at work. Credit agencies don’t care how your debt got there – it’s in your name, so it’s your problem.
Why Naming It Matters
Naming financial abuse matters because it removes the shame. Many survivors blame themselves: “I should have been smarter with money. I should have insisted on keeping my own account.” But the truth is, you were set up. Abusers know exactly what they’re doing when they isolate you financially.
And once you see it for what it is – abuse – you can start building a plan to reclaim your independence.
Financial abuse is one of the most common, most effective, and most invisible tools of control. It keeps women trapped, isolated, and dependent. And it doesn’t stop when you leave – it often escalates.
This post is part of my series, The 8 Types of Abuse, for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In the next post, we’ll cover post-separation abuse – one of the most dangerous and misunderstood forms of abuse, where leaving doesn’t end the abuse, it just changes the form.
If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to take back your clarity and rebuild your self-trust, check out my Trauma Bond Recovery Course. My Break & Rebuild Method will walk you step by step through breaking the cycle and learning to trust yourself again.
